3 Leadership Tips for Storytellers
We are all products of our parents/upbringing, environment and experience. I am no different in that regard and often reflect on who I am, how I approach things and if I am turning into (or have already turned into) my parents. How about YOU?
I have joked over the years that growing up I swore I would do things differently than my Mom & Dad...that I would be the BEST parent ever. As life and luck would have it....even though I avoided a few "mistakes" that I felt my parents made in my upbringing....I made completely NEW ONES with my kids. The cruel irony is that my kids couldn't give me "credit" for the mistakes I avoided...they only saw the ones they felt I made. So much for my master plan of being the BEST parent ever!
In addition, as I have gotten older, my daughter's have also been a wonderful window into my evolution and quick to remind me "MOM...you sound just like Poppa Mun or Nanna Liz" which...as most of us know is never meant as the compliment it should be. Rather, it is a reminder that some of the personality traits we have worked so hard to squash (or that we have complained about over the years) are inadvertently coming to the forefront. It's like the Progressive Insurance Commercial where we are turning into our parents.
One such personality trait that I get from my parents is a double edged sword
My Mom and Dad are very outgoing, warm people who easily connect with others. At heart, they are story tellers and are eager to share their experience as ways to build connection and understanding with those they meet. All sounds good...right? Well the other side of the coin, is that they often can't turn it off or dial it back. Not every moment or interaction calls for a "and that happened to me once too" response...sometimes you just need to be a good listener and let the other person take center stage. My Mom, in particular, has a gift of not meaning to turn everything that someone else says or does into something about about her but amazingly it happens every time!
So what does this have to do with our leadership journey?
As leaders, mentors, colleagues and friends it isn't about US it is about others and their needs. In fact, continuously talking about our stories and experience can be exhausting to those who need our support right now. I don't know about YOU but the best leaders I have worked with ask more questions to draw the inspiration and answers OUT OF YOU rather than talking about stories from their glory days.
I have been catching myself more and more in moments lately where I needed to adjust my approach or comments to focus on what is happening with someone else and NOT about sharing MY story too. It's a tall order and harder than it sounds be but I am fighting many years of conditioning. I'm not saying there isn't moments when sharing your story or experience isn't helpful - but you have to pivot quickly back to the other person...their situation and needs.
3 Leadership Tips for Storytellers
Pause: Even though we are all moving fast, working from home and sometimes lack outside world perspective find a way to simply pause. Pause to re-read what you have written in an email or a response to a social media post. Are you making it about YOU or about how you can highlight or boost the other person? Same goes for video or conference calls. Does the story you are about to tell make it look like you are monopolizing the moment or does it enhance or build on the conversation?
Ask Questions: Find ways to ask more questions so you can hear other people's stories. Resist the urge to always tell a story or chime in with your experience, instead ask a question to draw out the other person's perspective and let them build on the dialogue.
Give Compliments Generously: Even though YOU may have experience or a story related to the topic...turn your comments into a compliment for the other person . For example; a LinkedIn post on leadership. Rather than posting about all the great things YOU have done as a leader...post a compliment to thank the other person for their perspective and highlight your favorite tip or thought.
In Closing...
It's a delicate balance to manage story telling with allowing others to shine or get the support they need. Maybe it's just more visible lately since we are all working remotely and can see how others are navigating in the moment. The key is to leverage the 3 tips above to ensure it's not all about YOU but helping others to feel included and "seen". A sure fire indication that you need to adjust your approach is if you find yourself doing ALL the talking in a meeting with very little participation from others ... they most likely have given up or aren't interested in the monologue.
When all else fails - ask for feedback from those you trust. Do they want/welcome stories for the presentation or meeting you are about to be in or is it best to switch to pause/question/compliment mode? Give your trusted colleagues or others permission upfront to interrupt you or pull the plug on your enthusiastic story telling in case you don't catch yourself in full flight. Having people like that in your life are a blessing and hopefully you can do the same for them in return!
Leadership Questions of the Week for YOU:
Do YOU catch yourself turning into your parents lately? If so, what double edged sword trait are YOU working on?
Do YOU know a leader (or are YOU one) that is a storyteller? Can you relate to the "inadvertently making it about ME" statement?
Can YOU think of a moment recently where, with the best of intentions, someone launched into a story, and completely derailed the conversation and YOU shut down because you realized it was about THEM now and not about YOU anymore?
What do you think about the 3 tips above for storytellers? Any you would add or change?
DO YOU have an accountability buddy to give you feedback on your storytelling or who can help pull the plug in the moment?
We talked a lot about storytellers, what about the introverts among us who don't feel comfortable sharing? Can YOU still leverage the 3 tips above to get you in the conversation or to help redirect an enthusiastic storyteller?
Thanks for reading….and remember…YOU make a difference!
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